The Village
Flint, Texas
November 6, 2014
Star Lite,
Star Bright,
First Star
I see tonight, I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Have this wish I wish tonight.
Let the works that I’m trying to do, shine forth like a Candle that set upon a Hill and Spread the Light abroad.
At the age of 8yrs old, out of the blue, I told my mother that I wanted to join church and be baptized. I don’t know where those thoughts came from and at that age, I was not sure what it meant to “join church and be baptized.” I don’t remember my mother’s response or reaction, but on Sunday, October 5, 1958, I boldly walked up to the front of St. John Missionary Baptist Church in DeWalt, Texas, sat in the chair that had been placed in front of the congregation and said to the late Rev. Alfred Marshall, “I want to join church and be baptized.:. I don’t remember much about those moments, only that my grandmother, Rebecca Stringfellow, with tears streaming down her face, started shouting and Praising the Lord. I do remember a peaceful feeling in the church and there was not many dry eyed people sitting in the pews.
I felt good about what I had done and could not wait to get to school the next morning and let everyone know that I had joined church. As I walked to New Hope Elementary School, Stafford, Texas, I was floating on a cloud. During school recess and all through the day, I let everyone know that I had joined church. I was very disappointed that everyone was not as happy as I was. I remember my biggest disappointment came from my teacher, Mrs. Lula Belle Goodman, she did not appear as happy as I was, brushed me off and continued doing what she was doing.
I was baptized on the 3rd Sunday in October, 1958 in Oyster Creek in DeWalt, Texas. There were two candidates for baptism, me and a lad named Orange Mack. The ceremony took place as the congregation struck out singing, “Wade in the Water”. I was led to the center of the creek by Deacon Walter Pickett and stood between Deacon Charles Pickett and Rev Marshall. I felt all eyes on me as I was dressed in a Pure white gown, a white scarf on my head and a white sash that was tied around my waist and white socks. A large snake had proceeded to swim down the creek before I was led in the water. I remember someone shouting, “Surely, she will stay in church.”
As the minister repeated the ceremonial blessing, I remember him saying, I baptize you my sister in the Name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Then, I was dunked in the water, I remember they slightly pushed me under and made sure that I was totally submerged before they pulled me up. As I was led back to the banks of the creek, I don’t remember how I felt, I don’t remember anything much afterwards. Was it OVER, all the excitement that I was so excited about?
My life after then took on a new meaning. I grew up in a family of eight children. My mother was a housewife. Later in life, I often felt sorry for her as she was handicapped (not physically) by being stuck with a house full of children day in and day out. The only outlet she had was church on Sundays. She escaped the noise by going to church on Sundays – morning and evening services and for those few hours, she seemed very happy. When I became an adult and realized what life was all about, I tried to make up for her misery by showering her with gifts and cards before she went to be with the Lord on January 2, 2010. Even today, I still get teary eyed when I reflect back. (Many years later, I learned from her that she really enjoyed being a housewife and caring for her family).
God made me a dreamer and I thank HIM for it. When I became overwhelmed thinking about all that I did not have, I would become this child of a rich family. I would picture myself having my own house and decorating it as I pleased. I would often find places to hide from my siblings so that I could live in my other world. Those were times that I invested in being who I was not because reality brought me back to the present sooner than I wanted. There was a yearning deep inside of me that I could not explain and I did not know what was wrong with me when I would go through these times.
Yes, I was born a dreamer. I taught my self to sew and began making my own clothes. I would take older clothes and change them into something that was passable. I was proud. To ease the feeling and the yearning that I could not explain what I was yearning for, I threw myself into sewing and reading. Each night I continue to say my star lite, star bright prayer. Praying to the star instead of God. This God I did not know who He was, but respected him. I did not even know how to pray, all I knew was that I had to stay to myself and dream.
I was a straight “A” student in school until the school was intergraded in 1965. The students from M.R. Wood were transferred to John Foster Dulles High School. I hated it because I was working towards being the Valedictorian of my senior class. With the transformation, we were lost in a school system that we were not accustomed to and left to figure it out. But, I survived.
I was miserable and did not know why. I took on a tough mean attitude after I graduated from high school. I did not know what love was or how to say “I love you” to anyone as those words were never said aloud when I was growing up. Oh, I knew my mother loved us, but she never said it aloud to any of us that I recall in my earlier years. Affection was something that was not allowed in the open. She was only doing what she was taught as a child, so we grew up affectionless. I married and became the proud parent of five children but, I still felt a void in my life. Why was I not happy? Why was I still placing myself in a fairy tale world? These are questions that I was seeking the answers to, but not knowing who I was seeking the answers from.
My professional career started with employment with The Fort Bend Independent School District at Dulles High School and I eventually transferred to Willowridge High School and eventually ended up in the Registrar’s Office with Larry Zaruba. PhD. Dr. Zaruba would talk to me and I learned a lot from him. He was not aware that I was struggling with life and “that” something within. He may have sensed it, but never interfered. It was a happy period in my life because I threw myself into my work and met a lot of people. Then tragedy struck……..
in Fall 1984, my oldest brother was killed by his girlfriend. This took a toll on my mother although she never let on. She was one that held everything within. Now in my life, I wonder why she did not have a nervous breakdown but I realize it was her belief and faith in God that kept her going.
One of the hardest things I ever had to do during my tenure at Willowridge was to face the woman who murdered my brother. She called my office to find out the requirements for registering her daughters in school. I was calm over the phone and never revealed who I was to her. An appointment date was set. I was nervous and did not know how I was going to tell my mother that I would have to face that lady. Was God trying to tell me something? This God whom I feared, but did not have a relationship with. This God who I knew by name, but did not really know him? I did not spend a lot of time pondering on that, my job now was to be this big heartless person who was going to show no emotions. I finally broke down and told my mother that the lady was coming to my office. During our talk, my mother whispered not a word. I don’t know why I said it or where the words came from, but I said to my mother, Mom, we have to forgive her and love her. Talk about “shocked” I was. Where did that come from? As I rehearsed those words over and over, I found that I was beginning to relax and become comfortable knowing that I had to forgive, forget and love. My mother never brought the conversation up again.
The appointment day arrived. I believe the lady wanted to run when she walked into my office and saw me sitting there. I was relaxed, welcomed her, made her feel as comfortable as I could and it worked out well. I have never seen her since, but prayed that she would find peace in her life.
I left the School District in August 1995. Early winter of 1995, as I sat in my house, not really feeling sorry for myself, but not sure what I was feeling, I heard a voice say, get down on your knees and pray. Well, I didn’t know what I was praying for and if I had gotten on my knees, what was I to say. I ignored that voice while watching television. I proceeded to the kitchen instead and made myself an egg and bacon sandwich. I came back to the bedroom to eat my delicious sandwich and continue to watch t.v. Again, I heard the voice say, get down on your knees and pray. To tune out the voice, I took the last bite of my sandwich and as I started to chew and swallow, I begin to feel my stomach getting sick and I ran to the bathroom and started to heave. I heaved so heavily that I fell on my knees with my head in the toilet and started to throw up. That sandwich and other stuff starting flowing from my mouth. If my insides were going to come out, now was the time. I heaved and threw up uncontrollably; the last heave brought up something in the shape of an “S”. All I could do was to lay on the bathroom floor by the toilet and try to gather myself. I am not sure how long I remained on the floor. When I was finally able to get back to the bed, I fell on my knees and prayed. I don’t remember what I said all I remember was that I was praying.
Spring (1996), I went back to school, majored in Legal Studies and landed a job with The Marker Group in Houston, Texas as a Case Investigator and worked my way up to Supervisor. Those were happy times. The owner of the company, Marlene Marker was very generous to her employees. She blessed everyone with gifts, salaries, and more salary increases than most was worthy of. Marlene was one everyone respected. She would not let you address her as Ms or Mrs., strictly Marlene. She made it a point to visit every employee’s work station and speak with them whenever she came to work. She was a joy to work for. She showed concern and never let anyone feel less than important that they were an employee of the company.
I was employed with the company for almost 15 years. God still had a plan for my life that I did not want to acknowledge. I loved my job at The Marker Group and for once, did not want any interruptions. I had even stopped daydreaming. So why, all of a sudden, did things began to change? I was blessed with a GREAT salary. I was not one to save or plan. I was careless with my money. I was like the prodigal’s son. The only difference, I wasted my money on two of my grandsons. Each had a car, cell phone and anything they wanted that I thought I could afford. It was nothing for me to walk into a store and buy name brand foods. I did not even look at the price. I showered everyone with Christmas gifts. I had a staff of 26-30 employees and every Christmas, I gave them huge fruit baskets. Money was no object.
Marlene had rented another floor in the building where the company was located. I was given a comfortable office and my staff and I moved from the 3rd floor. All seemed to be going well for a year. I was one who did not want to release an employee, but was forced at times to release the non-productive people. Those were not happy times. I tried all I could to save a person’s job. My office moved again to another floor. This time, Marlene blessed me with a humongous office. The work space for my employees was enormous. Everyone was happy. We were one happy group working for The Marker Group.
I felt the floor where we were located was a happy one. God has a way of letting you know when something is about to change whether we accept it or now. In 2000, God instructed me to start a Bible Study at 2806 Fifth Street underneath the trees in the back yard of the house that I once owned. I said you want “Me” to teach Bible study? The feelings would not go away and then I asked, “What day am I to do this?” God revealed that the study was to take place on Friday evenings at 5:00 pm. It was payday for most of the people in that hell’s den and many would buy beer and congregate at the spot and do drugs and stay in my old house. I was often called by neighbors during wee hours of the night that the police was at my old house. I was informed by one nice cop that if I did not get the drugs out of the house and off the property, the state would seize the property as a drug house and I would lose it. I ended up having the house torn down and got rid of the property and my Bible Study ended.
September, 2009, my mother had a mild stroke. I did not realize at the time that it was a stroke. I was not familiar with the illness. She spent a month in the hospital and now was the time for me to make some decisions. What do I do with my mother? I was working and really did not communicate with my siblings about her care. She was assigned a Social Worker who guided me somewhat in decision makings. My mother was placed in Park Manor for Rehab. She hated the place and was not cooperative with her rehab. God had started working with me and my job was not first priority in my life now.
For the first time, I became restless at The Marker Group. I felt an evil force that I had never sensed before and the feelings were strong. Management had changed and God was lightly letting me know that I would be closing the book on this chapter of my life. Yet, I refused to listen. Trying to work, trying to hear what God was saying and a sick mother on my hands, I did not sleep well. I only got about 3-4 hours of sleep each night. October, 2009, my mother suffered a second stroke and I moved her to First Colony in Sugar Land after she was released from the hospital. Now I really was not getting any rest. I was at the facility round the clock worried about my mother and still trying to work. It was some of the weakest moments in my life. I was beyond myself and could not even cry. Marlene was very patient with me as I struggled to care for my mother and attempted to work. Every day I spent at work, God was letting me know that I would not be employed at Marker’s very long. But being Bertha, I ignored the message.
I had bought a 2000 Honda CRV and had paid the last note on it. I believe God has a sense of humor. After my last note, God asked me if I loved him. I said, yes Lord, I love you. He said, Give your car away. I said, this car that I just paid the last note on, He said “Yes.” I did not question God any further, but gave up my CRV for an old car that was barely running, had no radio, but He allowed me to have a heater. I don’t remember if it had AC or not. When I started it up in the morning, it woke up all of the neighbors around me. My next door neighbor later told me that I was his alarm clock. He knew it was time to get up when I started my car. God revealed to me that I was not to have a radio, those were the times that I was to spend with him on the freeway. So, I never knew what the traffic was like to and from work. I depended strictly on God. I would sing and give God the praises. Those were some happy times. Me and God in the car. People at work could not believe that I just up and gave away my car for a hooptee.
After my mother’s death, I began to accept the fact that I was destined to leave Markers and do God’s Will. As I shared this with a few of the employees, most would not accept it, but those who were Believers, knew what I was talking about and listened to me as I tried to explain something I really did not know what I was actually talking about or where I was going.
May 11, 2011, I departed from the company. Many of the employees tried to get in touch with me, but I actually closed that chapter of my life and moved forward. I was provided with a nice compensation. Like the old me, I used it on others and was left in a state of dependence on God. My children started monitoring the money that they gave me because they knew that I would give it away. I don’t remember which one of my children scowled me about giving all of my money away and that’s when I consulted God. I said, “God, YOU made me this way, if YOU don’t want me to give all of my money away, then YOU change me. YOU tell me what you want me to do.
Have you ever spoken to God in an angry voice? I did and HE did not respond. I begin to feel alone again. God had been so close to me when I was teaching the Bible Study; always, giving me messages to deliver even speaking to me as I rode back and forth to work. There were times God would give me a message in the middle of the night or wee hours in the morning, I was too stubborn to get up and write the message down. Promising that I would write it down when I got up the next morning. Was I in for a surprise, I could not remember any part of the message. It took me several years to learn that when God is speaking to YOU, HE wants your undivided attention and you had better take notes and write HIS message down right then.
Note: (Although God did not say – Stop Giving – He directed me to Matthew 25: 14-30 – The parable of the Talents. After much meditation and consulting with God before I react , I am learning to become a good “steward” over the Blessings that he has put me in charge of).
June 2013, I met a man by the name of Charles (Charlie) Wright. Still displeased with the way my life was and with God not answering me, I began to play the Lottery. I reverted back to daydreaming. I dreamed and even prayed that I would win these large sums of money. I began to bargain with God. God, if you let me win, I will be sure to give a large portion to several churches (I named the churches). I had made out my little list of those I would help and how much money I would give to each, always leaving a large sum for myself. How many of you know, you can’t bargain with God? Since that didn’t work, I withdrew that bargain and came up with a new plan. God if you will just let me win one of the lotteries.
Mr. Wright was an 87 year old man who had fallen and broken his left hip. He was in the hospital at the time I met him. It was accidental that I happen to land the job. I was asked to be a Sitter. All I had to do was watch this man and make sure that he did not attempt to get out of bed. I would be paid for that service. My granddaughter and her friend were employed by Mr. Wright’s daughter Joy West. I had never met the family, but accepted the position; surely I could do that.
I was employed for a one day shift working twelve hours. Mr. Wright was released from the hospital and transferred to Chelsea Gardens for Rehab. Although I had not officially met the family, they agreed for me to sit with their father. I later learned that he had three daughters overseeing his care and Joy, the youngest daughter was the one who did most of the communication. I followed Mr. Wright to Chelsea Gardens. I am currently sitting with him at Oyster Creek Manor. He has been an inspiration in my life and one day I will share my experience and the road we traveled to where I am.
Spreading God’s Word was given to me many years ago, but in HIS own time and at HIS will, it came to be on August 7, 2014. I had been wandering through the wilderness for so many years and all I had to do was be obedient to God and seek his face. I have come to learn so much about my God. As I accepted his Will for my life, I am beginning to really understand what a servant is and my duty as a servant. I was sitting in Bible Study this past year (2014) feeling sorry for myself because I just couldn’t understand why I was feeling dry in Spirit and could not hear from God. It took several months for God to speak to me. He said, My sheep know my voice. I had been telling people that living a life as a Christian was hard. God spoke to me one morning and said, “STOP” telling people that living a life for me is hard! You can’t Witness for me saying that. “YES,” if they try to live a life without me, it is hard. BUT with me, it is not hard. I immediately apologized and asked for Forgiveness. I will never again tell anyone it is a hard life being a Christian and living for the Lord.
Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.
Seek the word of the Lord about everything that concerns you, and you will, like the great warrior Joshua, have good success. If you want to be profitable in business and successful in life, develop an attitude and habit of inquiring of the Lord and you will never fail. Turn from the wicked way of your own fleshly wisdom and acknowledge, the Lord and He will direct your path – from Strength To Stand – Bishop T.D. Jakes.
God’s Word will go forth and HIS way will be known upon earth.
May I never stumble in doing his Works – Praise Be To God!
HIS servant,
Bertha L Eugene
A Very Special Thanks to: Mary Ayers for listening, for leaving me along as I cried through all of this and encouraging me to STAND.
Special thanks to My Pastor, Rev. Don Williams, Jr.
Minister Vickie Williams
To my Children: Velda, Don, Tonya, Frantrice, Calvin
My Grandaughter: Veneshia Eaglin Goodman
My Grandson: Daitric Williams (Always told me to, “Pray about it”)
Mr. Charlie Wright
Mrs. Joy A. Wright West
Ms. Lenita Wilkins
Mr. Henry Henderson
Mrs. Rita Nelson
Larry Zaruba, PhD.
Memorial Thanks to:
My Mother – Mrs. Ruby Lee Kellough Washington
My Grandmother – Mrs. Rebecca Stringfellow
Rev. Major Washington, Jr. –for passing on Psalm 67
My First Pastor – Rev. Alfred Marshall
My Friend – Deacon Charles (Charlie) Pickett
My Friend – Deacon Walter Pickett
The Works of “Spreading God’s Word is born –
Spreading God’s Word, Inc.
October 16, 2014
(There are so many more people that have been an inspiration in my life and I hope to acknowledge them in my Book)